this is not the most cheerful post (and it has a trigger warning)

in fact this article has many trigger-warnings.  it involves rape, rapists, rape-methodology, and rape-supportive culture.  however.  it involves these things because it is a discussion of some new – pretty revolutionary – research being done on the topic of undetected, unincarcerated rapists.  if you can handle the triggers, it’s well worth reading.  not least because it doesn’t leave you with the same sick inevitable feeling one tends to get reading pretty much everything people write about rape.  in fact…this article actually finishes with some pretty awesome points on how undetected rape could be combatted in a very every-day manner (and again, this is sort of revolutionary; if only because this is rape we’re talking about, and we’re doing so in a culture which supports it, so communicating Things That Can Be Done To Change This is a pretty big deal).

so again.  if you can…you should read this.  it’s interesting.  and more than that, it’s not only relevant, it’s positive and maybe even helpful:

predator theory.

wonder of wonders.

cinema worth seeing: just for the house

i do think that nicole kidman’s assertion that while hollywood’s persistance in portraying women as weak fuels gender-based violence, she herself has abstained from such roles, is…a little odd.  is she making an exception for the moulin rouge scene where she is saved from rape at the last minute by a man’s intervention?  on the other hand, i guess her take on abusive boyfriends in practical magic might even the score, a little.

and on that tangent…if you like pretty films, and haven’t already, might i suggest that you track down practical magic?  the main love story’s a bit saccharine, but the film itself has some pretty lovely moments (i particularly enjoy anything that necessitates dancing around a beautiful kitchen) and the house…the house is just gorgeous. 

the kitchen is incredible, there’s a garden, and cliffs, and sea…but the best bit is the conservatory/distillery.  i pine for a conservatory/distillery.  honestly, i’d settle for either one, but the two combined… 

i also particularly enjoy kidman’s hair in this.  plus…there’s magic.  and stockard channing with beautiful, whimsical hair, and wild cat’s eyes.

the latest in a long line of failed experiments: how to say ‘no’ (trigger warning)

how fucked, frankly, is this?  although i do think that fostering assertiveness and negotiation skills in girls and young women is important it is not, at all, the root of the problem. until we discuss consent in schools, and change attitudes about the availability of (predominantly) female bodies, and the male ‘right to sex’ – not to mention step up and make rape a real and vitally serious crime, not just something society pretends to frown on in public and in writing, while condoning gender-based violence through action, policy, and media – this is going to be a problem.

women do not need, in addition to the myriad of pre-existing tag-lines, to be told that violence and rape are their fault because – though they were taught how in school – they just didn’t say ‘no’ assertively enough.

point of fact: one ‘no’, however softly said, ought to be enough.